You've Got an Owl
by libraryloser
Summary: Based on the movie You've Got Mail. Lily receives a rather odd letter, which leads to a correspondence, a friendship, and an unexpected case of butterflies in her stomach. If she only knew that the person responsible for those charming little notes was her real-life arch nemesis James Potter, she might rethink this whole anonymous flirtation! L/J and all the Marauders, of course.
1. The Aria of the Owl

**A/N: I am back! Here is the beginning of a new story. I do not own Harry Potter and associated characters, nor do I own the DELIGHTFUL 90's movie this story is inspired by!**

_The Aria of the Owl_

Lily Evans was alone and nearly asleep beside the dying common room fire when a sudden loud noise jolted her awake. She whipped out her wand in panic, but tucked it away quickly when she realized it was simply an unfortunate owl that had crashed right into the common room window, no doubt believing the pane was open when it was actually just uncommonly clean.

"Poor thing," Lily cooed as she swung the window open.

It took a bit of coaxing to get the owl to come in through the window once she had opened it. The poor beast seemed a bit dazed and possibly concussed, but a messenger owl is always a messenger owl, and it dutifully held its leg out to Lily to deliver its note.

"Thanks sweetie," she said, accepting the note. "I wish I had a treat for you, after you went through all that trouble…" Lily glanced around, seeing only her half-empty coffee mug. She usually preferred tea, but the espresso was meant to keep her awake while she studied her Advanced Charms book (which lay forgotten by her chair since she dozed off).

"Help yourself?" she said. To her surprise, the owl accepted her offer and made an amusing show of shoving its puffy owl face into the little mug.

Lily giggled to herself as she unraveled the crumply bit of parchment, wondering who would be sending her an owl at this late hour. She assumed it was a dorm mate wondering why she hadn't come to bed yet, but the actual message was far more bewildering.

_I don't know why I put up with your rubbish, but there is a large and warty toad here singing an aria of your name and if you don't make it stop I will feed it to The Dog. You KNOW how I detest the opera. _

Lily blinked once and read it again.

"A large and warty toad… detest the opera? Are you entirely sure you've got the right person, little owl?"

The owl pulled its face from the now empty mug and gazed at Lily with very wide, slightly crossed eyes.

"Do you know what I think? I think you scrambled your attic running into that window, and handed this off to the first person you found because you've gone a bit silly."

The owl tilted its head at her and gave a quavering hoot.

"Alright, hang on. Let me jot down a reply and you can be on your way back to a good night's sleep at the owlry. How does that sound?"

_Hoot!_

"Yeah, yeah, I'll refill your coffee."

* * *

The dormitory door burst open far later than James Potter was expecting. He glowered at the boy who slunk into the room. Peter Pettigrew was in for it, that was certain.

"Where have you been?" James demanded. Only no one could hear what he said, because he had cast a silencing charm on the room earlier out of desperation and forgotten to lift it.

He rolled his eyes and waved his wand, bringing all of the volume back into the room. The most notable sound that returned came from a large amphibian in the corner, who was keening a loud operetta with quite simple lyrics.

"_Peeeeeeeter Pet-ti-greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! Peee! Teeeerrr! Pettigreeeeew!"_

"This has been going on all night!" James shouted over the noise. "Care to explain, you _giant sodding lummox_?"

"So sorry!" the boy shouted back. "I was trying some charms that would get me and him into the Halloween toad choir this year!"

"The Halloween… what?"

"You know, the students and their toads go up in front of the great hall and they sing at the feast! Only Figaro he isn't a very good singer, you know."

"_Peeeeetttigrew! PEE! Teeeerrrrr!"_

"He might be better if he would _turn down the barking volume!"_

"I tried a charm because the choir director said my toad needed more _projection_, only it didn't go so well. I couldn't fix it so I went to find you or Remus to shut him up!"

"Remus said he can't undo the charm until he finds out what you did, and he left for prefect rounds. Why didn't you come back when I sent my owl? I've been waiting for you for hours. Finally used '_silencio' _for the sake of my own sanity. Which reminds me… " James pulled out is wand, aimed it directly at the toad. "_Silencio_!" The toad fell silent, although its mouth and throat movements suggested it was still continuing its song with great determination.

They both took a beat to sigh with relief before Peter turned to James and replied, at a much more reasonable volume, "I didn't get your owl. When did you send it?"

James frowned. "Nearly an hour ago. You really didn't get it?"

Peter shrugged. "Your owl must not have been able to find me. It's not a big deal."

"It is, though. Archie is the best—he always finds everyone. I've never lost a letter before."

"Yes, but out of the two of us, whose pet is the more pressing problem?"

"Fair point." They both turned to stare at the toad, whose song now apparently had accompanying hand motions.

The door swung open just as the two boys were considering taking the toad to the hospital wing. It was Remus, and he was clutching a book and grinning. "I think I found a spell that will work, so we can all finally get to bed."

"Great!" Peter said with a sigh of relief. "What's the counter-curse?"

Remus pulled out his wand with a flourish and pointed it at the toad. "_Coda Totalus!"_

The toad paused, which caused the boys to exchange looks of triumph. The feeling, however, was short-lived, as the toad burst through all silencing barriers and presented them with such an extraordinary soprano note that it took a full three measures before Remus could gather his wits enough to re-silence the beast.

"Any other brilliant ideas?" James drawled.

Remus growled. "Shut it. Your ideas weren't any better. In fact your only idea was to feed Figaro to Sirius."

"Don't tempt me."

_Tap tap tap._

The three boys turned to the window, where they could see James's owl Archie hovering just outside.

"Finally!" James said. "I was starting to worry about that fella." He strode to the window and threw it open. The owl (being reasonably more shy of windows than usual) flinched before coming inside to rest on his master's shoulder.

Archie held out his leg to present James with a letter.

"He's brought a reply," Peter said. "That's odd, because his letter was never delivered to me."

James frowned as he unrolled the parchment. "Well it must have been delivered to someone, because they've written back. _Dear Possibly Mad and Certainly Irresponsible Owl Owner—I received your note and can only assume that you, like your owl, have had a rather serious run-in with a closed window today. You both come across as a little boggled. I'm sorry that your toad won't stop singing my name, and I must admit that as far as complaints about me go, that one is entirely new. I suppose you're lucky that I have such a melodic name? Teasing aside, I'm sure I wasn't the intended recipient of this note, and while I hope all your toad troubles get sorted, I'm sure I won't be any help in the matter. _

_PS Your owl has had three cups of coffee now, and in a caffeine induced fit, has broken my favorite mug. Please be more careful directing your mad letters in the future."_

"It looks like a girl's handwriting," Peter remarked. "It's swirly and nice."

"And she's sharp," Remus added. "She's got you pegged, anyway."

"Yeah, but I can't think of any smart girls here who also have a sense of humor. Anyway, whoever it is got my owl all hopped up."

The three boys stared at the owl (who did, now that they really looked, have the twitchy and wild appearance of one overly caffeinated creature).

"Great," said Remus. "Now we have concussed and hyper owl to sort out."

_Hoot!_ The owl replied resentfully.

James smirked. "Sirius is missing. We all haven't had any sleep. And add a tone-deaf toad to the list..."

"Yes, where _is_ Sirius?" Peter asked.

"Last I heard he was sneaking off to Hogsmeade to beg a date of the barkeep's daughter Rosmerta. He should be back—"

At that moment, Sirius burst through the door and slammed it behind him, breathing heavily as though he'd been running hard for a while.

"—Any minute," Remus finished.

Sirius managed to gasp out "If anyone asks I've been here ALL NIGHT," which the boys were collectively considering making his catchphrase. After a moment of collecting himself, he noticed the gyrations of the amphibian in the corner. "What's happening to your toad, Pete?"

James rolled his eyes. "Long story short, Peter is an idiot and now his toad will not stop singing opera music. It's driving us all insane. The whole thing is quite crazy, which makes _you_ our best option for fixing it. Madness directs madness, and so forth."

Sirius frowned, but only for a moment. A hair-brained idea had obviously planted itself in his head, which of course, was what the desperate boys were hoping for. "I've got just the thing. Follow me," he said to Peter, "and bring the toad."

"I've got to see this…" Remus said with a wry grin. He, Sirius and Peter headed for the door, toad in tow.

"Are you coming, James?" Peter asked over his shoulder.

"You lot go on. I'll be along shortly."

The three boys disappeared down the stairs with their usual cacophony of noise, and James seized the new silence as an opportunity to reread his letter. He figured Peter was right about the handwriting being a girl's—it was balanced, careful, and far loopier than he would expect of a bloke (except, perhaps Remus). James was amused at the careful balance the writer had managed to strike between antagonistic and amiable.

He had let the other boys go on without him because his initial feeling was that he wanted to _respond_ to the letter, and to do it privately. It was odd to feel a sense of friendship with a stranger, especially after such a short correspondence, but James did. At the very least, he didn't want whoever it was thinking he was a nutter, and possibly abusive towards his owl.

He had just pulled out a quill when he heard a plaintive _hoot_, and looked up to see Archie, tired and bedraggled and glaring at him reproachfully.

"Sorry, buddy. Maybe we'll answer tomorrow, and for now you can just go to sleep?"

_Hoot_ replied the owl, and he swept out the open window before James could change his mind.

James decided to get a head start on his reply and had penned three inches before the door burst back open, revealing three triumphant Marauders and one still, silent toad. James quickly stuffed the parchment into his pillowcase because he wasn't sure he felt like explaining, and turned to greet his friends.

"How'd you fix Figaro?" He asked them.

Sirius grinned. "I had the woman on the portrait to our dorm sing him a lullaby. Because there's only one way to end an opera…"

James rolled his eyes. "Of course! It's not over—"

"—Until the fat lady sings, yeah," Sirius finished.

Remus shook his head. "Brilliant. Mad, to be sure, but brilliant."

**A/N: Shoot me a review to let me know what you're thinking. **

**If you aren't thinking anything, then at least let me know what opera you think Figaro was singing.**

**I missed you, oh readers!**


	2. A Mug in Pane

**A/N: So after the intro the chapters get a little shorter because I'm writing when I have time. It's less exhausting for both of us this way. **

_A Mug in Pane  
_

Lily was roused from a peaceful sleep by a soft fluttering sound. She opened her eyes and gave a start and a yell when she saw a pair of great yellow eyes inches from her own. Her shout turned in to a giggle when she realized that her owl-friend from last night had returned.

"Oh, it's only you. How did you get in my bed?"

"Not something Lily Evans says every morning," remarked Minnie Wright, Lily's absolute slag of a dorm-mate.

"Unlike some people," Lily shot back.

Minnie rolled her eyes. "I let it in the window. You were sleeping like the dead, which isn't surprising after you stumbled up here in the middle of the night. And I know you weren't out late having fun like a normal person, because your boyfriend is downright dowdy. Anyway, I'm going to breakfast." She flounced out of the room and snapped the door shut behind her.

Lily huffed at the closed door. _Richard is cultured_, she thought. _That's not the same thing as dowdy. So he likes books. I like books. We're perfect for each other._

She found herself regularly defending her boyfriend to her fellow seventh year Gryffindor girls, who thought traits like "quidditch player" and "rippley abs" far outranked traits like "can speak Latin" and "cares about politics." And Richard was attractive… in his own way. His hair was a pleasant sort of brownish, and… he had nice… other features, too.

"Well who cares what they think!" she said aloud, crossing her arms in irritation.

_Hoot!_ Replied the owl, reminding Lily of its presence.

"Oh, right. I don't suppose that letter you've got is actually for _me_? And not some other person with a barmy toad?"

The owl held out its leg adamantly.

"If you insist." Lily grabbed the letter. She unrolled it, and to her surprise, it _was _directed to her.

_Dear Mugless Owl Rescuer,_

_My letter is directed thus not because you've lost your favorite mug (an unfortunate incident I've chosen to forget my role in), but because I haven't seen your face. And mug also means face, and you remain faceless to me. See what I did there? By now you are so distracted trying to think of a clever pun so that you may out-do me, you've forgotten all about the aforementioned unfortunate incident, and are probably not planning to hold it against me at all._

_Regards, _

_Some Ugly Mug_

Lily certainly hadn't expected a reply to her letter, especially not one that made her laugh out loud. She opened her nightstand drawer and unfurled a section of parchment she found there so she could reply straightaway.

* * *

James was sitting at breakfast with his friends when Archie returned with a reply.

"What's that?" Remus asked, looking up from an Arithmancy chart.

"Note," James mumbled around a mouthful of blueberry scone.

"Obviously," said Sirius. "Who from?"

"Nobody," He answered. His friends exchanged glances and shrugged, but as usual, were easily enough distracted by breakfast.

_Dear Ugly Mug,_

_What are you doing with this letter? Mugs can't read. If you are actually a person, you owe me a sickle to replace my mug (you know—that one that was destroyed in some incident you said I must have forgotten because I was so distracted trying to come up with a clever pun to out-do you). _

_Your owl seems in better health today, and your letter wasn't completely nonsensical. I take that as evidence that you're both avoiding running in to windows today. Which is great because I'd hate to see either of you in pane…_

_Yours, etc._

James spit scone all over the table.

"Merlin, what is the matter with you!" Sirius growled, brushing crumbles off his robes.

"In '_pane'_¸ honestly," was James's only reply. He began shuffling around his bag like a truffle-hunting badger, grunts and all.

Sirius seized his distraction as an opportunity to snatch the letter from the table and skim it over. The other two boys leaned over his shoulder to read.

"James… is this from that person who wrote you last night?" Remus asked.

"Yeah. Any of you lot have a quill I could borrow for a squick?"

Peter handed him one from his bag. "Is it like a… pen pal or something?"

"No, it's just one letter. Well, that one from them, and then me, and then them again. And the original, of course." He set about scribbling on a piece of paper before he hesitated. "…and then this one, I suppose."

"Sounds like a pen pal to me. Won't Gemma be upset that you're writing another girl?"

James's smile faltered, staring at the paper. "Gemma and I went on _two _dates. That doesn't mean I'm her boyfriend."

Sirius snorted. "Well, she's been telling everyone you are, so…"

"Whatever." James crumpled the paper up, his goofy grin from earlier completely evaporated. "You're right, it's stupid."

"It isn't stupid, mate," Sirius offered, "but you don't even know who it is. You could be writing anyone. It could be Snivellus, for all you know."

"I thought we agreed it was a girl," James snorted.

"And we also agreed that Snape has very feminine handwriting."

James shrugged. "Well, never mind it all. We've got to get to Charms class."

Peter frowned. "It's Saturday."

"Oh."

"You're taking Gemma to Hogsmeade. She told everyone."

"Right. I forgot."

"So that's three dates, then… are you sure you aren't her boyfriend?"

"Shut up, Peter."

**A/N: Ha. I hope you got the puns. I know they were dumb but boy am I having fun. Send a review letting me know what you think, and also your favorite pun.**

**LL**


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